Sound My Barbaric Yawp

Hit the gym early and worked out harder than I should have and am paying the price now. Or maybe it has nothing to do with the gym and everything to do with what may or may not come tomorrow.

Got something big, something that feels like I could use as a reason to sound my barbaric yawp and am anxious to move from the unknown into the known.

My body aches from the stress of the recent times and is a little bit worn out by it all but this might help serve as a salve and if it does I’ll give myself some credit for perspicacity.

Maybe.

Can’t put the cart before the horse or count the chickens before they hatch now can we.

Thoughts, Ideas and Suspicions

Got a few thoughts, ideas and suspicions about where things are headed and expectations fulfilled and unfilled.

Feels very familiar in some ways, almost like the summer of 2016 when I just knew that the dominoes would fall and opportunities would appear, but I can’t live on that.

Can’t rely solely upon faith and hope because that is a failing strategy so I have worked hard to prepare for opportunity.

Done my best to create reason, possibility and situation for opportunity to appear so if fortune smiles upon me it will do so in part because I helped create the circumstances.

But more important than creating said circumstances is keeping our eyes open so that we are aware and cognizant of the moments when they come.

Sometimes you don’t kiss the girl and figure you’ll go out again and get another chance but it doesn’t happen because a dozen other men and distractions kill your shot to go out again.

Fear of the uncertainty of the unknown can be the destroyer of worlds just as easily as it protects you from getting hurt.

So tonight I will hit the far before 2 AM so that I can wake up a little bit earlier and not feel exhausted.

So that I can give a dysfunctional digestive system time to stretch itself and prepare and not feel any more stressed than I already am.

The superstitious man I am sat at the lat pull and made an arbitrary comment, “if you can pull your weight things will go fine tomorrow.”

I haven’t pulled anything close to it in six weeks but I went for it and the body cooperated. The weight came down and the mind roared in satisfaction.

Doesn’t matter if I subconsciously knew or believed I could do it. The only thing that matters is I decided if I could things would go well tomorrow.

I did and they shall.

And if they don’t it has no connection to anything from the gym.

Surprises

I didn’t expect to be in this position or to have an opportunity to do anything about it. Didn’t expect many things to be as they are but life is filled with surprises and you do your best roll with them.

Don’t know how it will be, can’t know because there is no way to determine it.

Tomorrow Monty Hall may offer $500 or what is behind door number one…maybe.

Richard Dawson is still dead so we won’t be seeing him and even if we did it wouldn’t be on Family Feud so he won’t be shaking my hand and kissing every female in the room.

Tomorrow won’t have that kind of surprise in it.

Hopefully it won’t have a Johnny Cash singing Hurt moment either.

Whatever it has I’ll manage as best I can and see where things lead. Dammit, if I can’t feel my mind racing to figure things out and anticipate possibilities.

Might have to sound that yawp twice, once tonight and once tomorrow just because.

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Originally published at https://www.joshuawilner.com on November 1, 2019.